The Ringer

Everyone has experienced that moment in childhood when they come face to face with loss. It’s at that point that you realize the transience of life: that nothing is truly yours because, in just a flash, it can all be taken away. If you’re lucky, your parents drag you away from the scene and buy you a new cone, but it is never the same as you imagined the original would be before it was wrenched away from you.  Alas, these soul crushing moments are just a part of life, not always in the form of loss, but sometimes shock (Skittles’ “lime” flavor is now “green apple”?!), or trauma (when your grandfather wore a Speedo that one time in Florida), and so we bring you 17 of them. Brace yourselves — this won’t be easy. 1. The pizza that lost its cheese A moment of silence is in order for all those casualties of the careless delivery guy. Flipping the box is pure negligence.  2. This savage This is proof that civilization is failin...

Silk Pajamas and fishing. What’s the connection? Why would you need to be dressed like Hue Hefner while cleaning fish guts out of the bottom of a boat? That’s exactly what this wife asked when her husband informed her about his upcoming fishing trip.  A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends.”  “We’ll be gone for a week.”  Ugh privileged male office culture.  “This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box.” “We’re leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up.”

Oh, do I have something special for y’all! Not only have I stuffed this article chalk full of A+ dad jokes, I have also narrated all  16 dad jokes from the point of view of the dad (who henceforth shall be called Ronald) telling his coworkers about the jokes he tells at home. Spoiler alert: Ronald’s co-workers LOVE the jokes. Obviously. They’re golden. They’re the epitome of what it means to be a man with kids and a lame sense of humor. Enjoy, friends. 1. Pure carnage. I have four sons. FOUR. And one of them is named Tobias. So take it from me when I tell you I know humor, which is why when I saw the leaf on the roof of my car, I knew I struck comedic gold.   2. The best birthday. …and because we were out of candles for the cake to say Happy 19th Birthday, I used the ‘4’ candle to say, “this is FOOR your birthday!” I’m not going to say the joke was better than the MacBook we gave him, but one day he’ll ap...

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? It doesn’t necessarily have to be on a Monday, although I’m sure a good number of these instances occurred closer to the beginning of the week than the end. You’re going about your day-to-day, and for some reason things just aren’t rolling off of you like they usually do. Maybe the customers at work are being extra “always right” today, or maybe your boss has decided that this week he’s going to ride you so hard that he’s installed a handrail on your back. Maybe you just finally reached that breaking point from the cumulative bullshit you’ve been dealing with since college ended, you didn’t get your dream job, you had a mistake baby and had to settle into a boring, mundane, repetitive, soul-crushing job somewhere just to afford diapers, ramen and boxed wine!  Well, if that sounds anything like you, this article is all yours. I’m not suggesting you emulate any of these (de...

I think I have Stockholm syndrome when it comes to Twitter. I mean Twitter is a vile place. People aren’t nice to one another. Mobs can gang up on people or ideas and monopolize what’s trending. Any blowhard can have a Twitter, and unlike Facebook, a social media platform that their parents and bosses are on, no authority figure is present to add checks and balances to the filth that comes out of people’s mouths.  At the same time, Twitter can  be a magical place. Particularly when comedians roast celebrities and when white people see the world’s perspective through black eyes. No, not #BlackLivesMatter, you silly gringo. I’m talkin’ about Black People Twitter. It’s as close as I’ll ever get to experiencing the life of a black person in America. Yes, despite all the rampant racism, trigger warnings, social justice warriors, and ever-changing pronouns I’m supposed to be using or potentially not using, I still go back for mor...

Growing up is filled with a bunch of fun milestones – your first kiss, getting your driver’s license, and of course, opening up that first bank account. Ca-ching! I don’t know about you, but I was pretty stoked to start depositing those checks I earned from my menial minimum wage job and watch that number slowly climb. And the time I saw that first comma in my balance? I thought I’d truly made it. Don’t get me started on my first checkbook. That really meant I was an adult. After all, checks are for rent, paying the bills, and whatever else grown-ups tend to do with them. I didn’t know! What I did know though, was that they were not a toy. Checks look like dumb pieces of paper, but that dollar value you write on it becomes money. Money that is taken out of your account! Nooooo! Someone clearly forgot to tell this girl that. Yikes! I’m cringing. Hopefully she really did give them blank checks, and maybe she can go after them for fraud. If not, ...

The world is full of really weird people and they are everywhere. We have all seen them or interacted with them, and if your encounters are anything like mine, you’ve left them cringing hard.  It’s hard to say exactly what it is that may make people so strange or do the things they do. I guess we may never know.  Check out these 16 cringe-worthy examples of people at their “finest.” 1. I see a really great business partnership in their future.  2. I couldn’t imagine this being much worse.  3. I think the worst part about this is the time it probably took to make all of those. 4. Eye contact is difficult as it is. I imagine this would be the worst pee ever.